you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
