Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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