today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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