You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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