do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
