It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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