I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
