Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
