24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
