The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
