The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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