She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
