Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize