The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
