tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just had sex on a roof
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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