Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
