So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
