Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
