you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
