Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So much rum. So many feels.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
