there's paper in my vomit.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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