i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just had sex bonerless
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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