My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You can't motorboat a personality
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
