i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
