Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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