At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
