remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
