youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
