This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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