I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize