Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
