bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
