after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize