I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
