We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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