I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
