God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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