in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
