If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
