No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
