If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
