Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize