Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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