Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
