I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
