I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
