walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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