I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
