You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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