cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
