Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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