i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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