i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
