My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
