FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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