remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
