just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize