talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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