Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
