I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
