I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
