i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
There's even glitter on my cock...
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