Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize