He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
