I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
