Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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