I must be too annoying 4 u.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
