so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
