if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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