shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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