i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
