in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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