I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
