I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
