i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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