she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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