I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
