i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
