apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
