Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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