I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
