This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
