he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
