wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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