chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
