Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
