apparently the secret to your success is patron
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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