Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize